On Love, Loss, and Grief

In Literary, Opinions, and Reviews

Hollo everyone! Guess who’s back? Four months of blogging hiatus and I’m starting to wonder whether my thoughts are still worth publishing. Unsure whether I still have the knack for writing, drafting this post now feels like forever. It takes a bit of time getting reacquainted with an old (forgotten) habit. As a getting-used-to activity, let me share with you some of the event highlights during my absence.

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January

I was feeling that optimistic ‘new year new me’ vibe and all when the year started. To kickstart my 2016, we traveled to Cebu for a dose of the festive Sinulog experience. It was fun as per usual but I felt like I’m too old for street parties and the likes. Lol!

The budding to-do list patiently awaits my arrival but life went to a screeching halt when one of my worst fears came to reality. We lost our dearest Amber to an incurable viral illness called canine distemper. After several days of confinement, she was discharged from the clinic along with the vet’s advice for euthanasia because her case is terminal. Taking her home that very afternoon, my adorable photobomber took her last breath basking under the sun (like she always does) at her favorite place in the front lawn.  😥 

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Her last moments reminded me of this old snap I took of what seemed like her me-time afternoon activity.

Why is it that for every memorable one for the books moment, an equal amount of tragic loss or sadness will most likely follow? Why life teases us this way, I could never answer. If you’ve been following this blog or any of my social accounts, you might’ve stumbled upon a photo post (or maybe a gazillion) of this certain pitbull with a red nose and cropped ears. Armed with diva attitude, she charms the camera like a pro. The fact that she has her own legion of fans says it all.

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Wickedying-Amber

The grief I’m going through is understandable for this kind of attachment or bond with a pet exceeds that of a human. I will be carrying this lifelong guilt of neglecting her this past year as I was dealing with personal issues trying to overcome my own demons. As a result of my total shutdown from the world around me, I forgot to give Amber the care and attention she deserves. At her ripe age of 9, she was supposed to live for a few more years with us. Never have I ever thought I’d lose her this soon.

February

My birthday’s celebratory mood was fleeting granted it was just a month after Amber’s death. Grieving over any significant loss is a normal process. In nursing, we call it DABDA which stands for the following stages:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

If you’ve reached the last part, congratulations you made it. Acceptance has always been a struggle for me. For two consecutive years I have experienced (an orderly sequence of) bad pretenses or a foreshadowing heavy cloud of shitstorm as if to welcome the freakin’ start of the year. To put it lightly, what I meant was being blackout drunk, breaking down in the middle of the night or getting consumed with my own thoughts. Like the old cliche lines: we get by, we get used to the void and we move on. Uhm, I haven’t gotten over my 2015 unfortunate happenstance yet but lo and behold here comes another one for 2016. Great, just great!  😐 

How are you doing? How am I doing? Well, I’m still here and I’m grateful to be here. What a positive way to end this post!

 

P.S.

On March 23rd, The Wicked Ying will celebrate its 5th year of existence in the blogosphere. Yay! That being said I should probably make an effort to keep this site not just afloat but alive.

 

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